Sunday, October 24, 2010

Reduce, Reuse, Recyle or Just Throw the Darn Thing Out!

     I am a hard and fast believer in the benefits of recycling, however, not when it comes to old flames. Some time ago I attempted to breathe life, not once, but twice, into a relationship that had effectively outlasted its' usefulness. Again, the definition of crazy comes in handy here: to continue a certain behavior and expect a different outcome.

     You may think this sounds harsh, that it holds no room for hope in the ability of people to change. Maybe I seem cold-hearted and ruthless to want my friends to be happy (!) and heed this advice. Of course I believe people can change, but when they don't mention that they want to, I don't hold them to it..

So, here are a couple of reminders why old relationships should stay out of the recycle bin:

If he was always cheap, he will become cheaper. But then you never minded paying for EVERYTHING, right?

The chewing sound that he made at breakfast gets worse each time you get back together. I do not know how they measure decibals, but you must believe that it will go up exponentially each time you take him back.

The things about you that he was not feeling the love on and wanted you to change while you were together, well, he hates those things more each time you reunite. Equal time here, people.

     Now, this rule of the inherent dangers of recycling also applies to former employers. Sorry to say that there is no going back here, either, and you know why, but because I care about you I will now remind you:

See above regarding the inability of people to change, especially when they have not mentioned they want to change. Multiply 1000 times in the case of a former boss.

If you did not get that promotion the last time you worked for him/her, you sure as heck are not getting it on round two. He/she likes you right where you are. Awww, that almost sounds sweet!

You probably have not given your new job a fair chance because that awkward new job phase sucks so badly and gives you time to have totally unwarranted nostalgia about your former place of employment.

You have totally blocked out the feeling of dread you had every day that you trudged up to that building to work. This is a condition called “Employee Amnesia”. It is extremely serious and you should talk to close friends immediately if you feel yourself experiencing this. They will remind you of how often they had to listen to you complain about your old job.

     Recycling is good for the environment, and I urge everyone to continue to look for that little number on the bottom of every container you purchase and dispose of the item accordingly. Old jobs and exes are not conveniently marked with a triangle with a number inside to guide you on whether you should recycle or not. You're going to have to figure these out on your own. I know you can make the right decision. And don't feel guilty, sometimes it's okay to just throw things out.

'Til next time,